Comedy Book |
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In the tradition of the comedy books of George Carlin, Chad Braund's Beautiful Book of Bullcrap Volume I, is a comedy ebook that features over 200 pages of one liners, jokes, essays, rants, thoughts, opinions, outlooks, comics and a little "proverbial discourse" that craps on everything you hold dear, all in the name of having a couple of laughs. Here are some excerpts from the book: |
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Excerpt #1 "Post Ejaculate Thoughts" |
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- Whenever I'm done masturbating I can't help but lose a little respect for the girl I was fantasizing about. If she allows me to think about her when I masturbate, how many other guys does she allow too think about her when they masturbate? |
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Excerpt #2 "A Soliloquy....I think" |
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- The other day I saw a Chinese man on a horse and I didn't know what I was supposed to do. - A little later I saw a black man on a horse and immediately called the police to see if anyone had reported a stolen horse. - A little later I saw a white man on a horse and asked him if he forgot his hood at home. - A little while later I saw a Mexican on a horse and asked him, "Shouldn't you be on a donkey?" - A little while later I saw a Jewish man on a horse and said, "Are you fucking kidding me?!" 
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Excerpt #3 "Car Rape Comic" |
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Excerpt #4 "Proverbial Discourse" |
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- “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me”.... ...more like, “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice and you’re just an opportunistic bastard.”
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Excerpt #5 "The 3rd Day" |
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- On the 3rd day he rose again, but during the 2nd hour he said, "Guys quit messing around and get me down from here! Seriously man, it's starting to hurt!" |
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Excerpt #6 "Place in the World" |
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- Find your place in the world and then rub your ass all over it like a dog rubbing his ass on the living room carpet in an attempt to scrape off some lingering shit.
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Excerpt #7 "My Aunt" |
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- I'm glad my aunt takes her retarded neighbor to the mall every weekend. I just wish she wouldn't wear an "I'm With Stupid" t-shirt when she does it. |
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Excerpt #8 "The Shitting" |
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- I think they should hold competitive bowel movement contests several hours after every competitive eating contest. Each competitor is given a 20 gallon drum and the next 72 hours to shit as much shit as they can shit. Whoever shits the most shit wins some shit. And if you think I'm being disgusting and unreasonable it's because I am. A shit shitting contest is fucking grotesque. Almost as grotesque as watching people cram 6 pounds worth of cylindrical animal intestines down their gullets in a 12 minute time frame.
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Excerpt #9 "Dating Advice" |
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- Most guys will tell you that when you meet a girl and exchange numbers, it's best not to call her for at least a couple days, that way you don't look desperate and pathetic. I like to take it one step further. When I exchange numbers with a girl, I like to change my number, go into hiding and make no contact with her for 3 years. Then one day I'll sneak into her house when she's not home, hid in her closet wearing nothing but a ski mask and when she eventually opens her closet, jump out and yell, "Surprise!" |
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Excerpt #10 "1 Dead, 500 Injured in Apartment Fire" |
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- Don't you think it'd be embarrassing to be the only person that died in some tragic event when every one else survived? Seriously, if I was the one that died I'd be rooting for at least a couple other people to crap out as well. While my family and friends would certainly feel bad about my death, I think deep down some of them would be thinking "Of the 501 people hurt in this fire, Chad is the only jackass who died. What kind of pussy have we been associating with?"
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You Can Get The Book Now For Only... $14.99 After You Purchase... ...the book will be delivered via e-mail. ...and will be delivered within 24 hours after payment has cleared. |
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